Squinty Hookhand the Well-Endowed here…

And I bring you “National Talk Like a Pirate Day”. Well, I don’t really *bring* it to you. I mean, I have no idea who came up with it or how they got the word National on the front but I’m thinking whoever *they* are, *they* are masters of marketing.

Back to the program. Today is “National Talk Like a Pirate Day” and if you’re anything like me, you’re already tired of those morning radio people saying “Aarrrrgggghhhhhh” all morning long. But wait, we can’t be tired of pirate talk already! It’s not even 9:30 in the morning. Well, it’s not 9:30 yet here on the east coast at the moment I am writing this blog but I’m thinking it will be well past 9:30 by the time I post this so lets just say, “It’s not even 10 o’clock in the morning yet!”

Back to the topic. You may be asking yourself, “Who the hell is Squinty Hookhand the Well-Endowed?” Silly you, that would be me. But you can call me Squinty for short. Just don’t call me Hookhand because I don’t really like the sound of that. And Well-Endowed isn’t bad and it does technically apply (take a bow girls!) but it seems a little over-the-top don’t you think?

Where was I? Oh yes, pirates. So I have this really cool book called Pirattitude (thanks to a wonderful friend in Mississippi) by John “Ol Chumbucket” Baur and Mark “Cap’n Slappy” Summers. Hey, I just read the back cover and it says these guys invented “Talk Like a Pirate Day” Mystery solved!!!

Sidetracked again, sorry. This books talks about everything from how to find your pirate name (hence my new one) to pirate pick up lines to how to throw a pirate party even Martha Stewart (or Squinty Headwound) would be proud of. You can find translations of everyday modern speech into pirate. For instance, for the kiddies in school, detention would be Davy Jones’ locker and skipping school would be called taking shore leave.

You’ve got yer pirate fashion, yer pirate quotient (Pi-Q!) and even yer pirate zodiac! Here’s my sign of the Piradiac…

Cutlass – Ye’re sharp and decisive! Ye’re also scrupulously truthful, but willing to work on that. Ye show great initiative and leadership under fire while still enjoying long walks on the beach and those fancy drinks served up in a coconut shell with a tiny paper umbrella. Ye likes what ye likes! If ye weren’t a pirate, ye might be a firefighter, a military officer or a livestock auctioneer. Predicted outcome: Aye, ye’ll hang. But ye’ll know ye had it comin’.

Wow, it’s like they know me exactly. I say give the site a good lookin’ over and see if ye can’t have a little fun today. As the guys say, DO refer to everyone as “matey,” “me hearty” or “me saucy dumplin’ o’luv!” but DON’T use anyone’s real name. They are drinking to forget or be forgotten!

4 thoughts on “Squinty Hookhand the Well-Endowed here…”

  1. MsHellion says:

    I want my pirate zodiac thingiemibob! Do me, do me!

  2. terrio says:

    First you have to promise never to shout the words “Do me, do me!” at me ever again. It’s just wrong.

    Harpoon – Ye seek balance in the world. A day is not complete unless ye have both ruthlessly pillaged a town AND raised money for a covered playground for the children. Will nobody think o’ the children?!? Well, ye will. Half the time, at least. If ye weren’t a pirate, ye might be a social worker, a judge or a high-wire circus performer. Predicted outcome: Ye’ll be hanged and yer eyes will be donated to a little blind girl named Martha.

    Again – extremely accurate!

  3. MsHellion says:

    The fact I’d be a high-wire circus performer if I weren’t a pirate? I know…it really is scary how well he knows me.

  4. terrio says:

    I can see it. You spend so much time on your toes anyway….


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