It Isn’t Them. It’s Me.

This is my way of saying “Move on, folks, nothing to see here.” I know I sort of dropped the online dating topic as quickly as I picked it up, but I’ve been meaning to write this post for WEEKS. I’d like to say I have a good reason for not getting it done, but I don’t. So, here we go.

I really did try this time. I went through my apps almost daily. I checked every time I got a message that so and so wanted to meet me or such and such wanted to chat. But 99% of the time, I’d click over, flinch (or actually draw back,) click the big red X and move on. I’m sure that some of these men are perfectly nice and have even turned a head or two in the real world. Which is why I’ve come to the conclusion that *I* am the problem.

I met one man during this process. And that’s how I know I’m not cut out for this dating thing. Within a (ridiculously) short period of time, he seemed to be smitten. Minutes later, he wanted to hold my hand and kiss me. That is no exaggeration. MINUTES. LATER.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. That’s flattering! Why wouldn’t you want a guy to fall for you like that? And I’m not sure I have a good answer. Either I’m not ready to date (which would be an asinine excuse since I’ve been single longer than I’m willing to admit on this blog), or I’ve been alone so long that I’m unable to tolerate other people. My money is on the latter.

I don’t want to say that I’m broken, but I’m broken. Only in the sense that I write love stories for a living but have NO patience for embarking on my own. None. Zilch. Nada. I’m too selfish now. My time is mine. I don’t have to work my life around anyone else. I don’t have to discuss major life choices or purchases. I don’t have to explain why I’m up at three in the morning playing Toy Blast on my phone when I should be sleeping.

Do you have any idea how lovely that is? Or maybe that’s only lovely to me. I’m cool with that. Either way, my subscriptions run out in early April and I’m counting down the days. Because then I can go back to not thinking about dating and rejection and go on with my life the way I like it. With me, myself, and I.

PS: Here’s one example of the pond in which I’m fishing – the app suggested that I had found me the perfect date last night. In his profile, the man said he was looking for a yoga instructor who voted for Tru… I refused to type that name. Anyway, I think you get the gist. Wrong pond.

16 thoughts on “It Isn’t Them. It’s Me.”

  1. Hellie says:

    Sweet God, I think I wrote this blog.

    1. Terri says:

      I promise I didn’t copy you!

  2. Sharlene Wegner says:

    I didn’t realize you were in the dating pool! LOL. I get you! I am married, but if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t have the patience, either!

    1. Terri says:

      I’m more lingering around the side regretting the spontaneous idea of going in. 🙂

  3. Maureen says:

    Says a lot about the algorithm of the app – yoga and the orange menace?

    1. Terri says:

      Yes. This was based on my responses of rejecting about 20 other guys. No idea what this app thinks it’s doing, but it’s way off.

  4. Zeca Drouin says:

    And here I was thinking you were going to write “Trudeau….”
    Sorry about that.

    1. Terri says:

      This one is over my head, I’m afraid.

      1. Zeca Drouin says:

        yoga instructor who voted for Tru…

        1. Terri says:

          Oh, I get it now. lol If that were the case, I might have been his girl! (You know. If I could vote in Canada. Think we could write him in during our next elections?)

  5. Phyllis says:

    I’m a big believer in if it is meant to happen it will. If it is meant to be it will be. Live your life, be you and if your Mr. Right or compatible is out there, he will cross your path at some point. I have found that some of the best things in life have happened when I wasn’t looking for them or I was just on my merry way. So be on your merry way Terri and see what life has to offer with no worries about dating. Just live and see what happens. 🙂 Someone will see you for the wonderful lady you are eventually. You shine too brightly for them not too. 🙂

    1. Terri says:

      Be on my merry way. I love that. Totally using that going forward. 🙂

  6. Ian Seta says:

    I don’t really know anything about that whole online dating thing and I guess there are people out there for whom it works. More power to them.

    It didn’t work for you but that doesn’t mean you’re broken. It just means it’s not for you.

    I dated a a woman back in the 1980s. She was violent. I mean she would pinch me so hard it drew blood. I thought the way to respond was to not respond….to pretend it didn’t hurt but it was intensely painful and I still have a scar or two from that relationship.

    So here’s the thing. Everyone expects me to say she’s crazy or whatever but that’s a load of bollocks. She wasn’t crazy “we” were crazy. We didn’t belong together and after we broke up she met a man who was right for her, they married and they’re still married today. Very happily with close to a netball team of kids.

    Don’t ever look at yourself as a problem. Do what you love. Do the things that make you happy. Maybe one day you’ll meet someone who is doing those exact same things and you can do them together. Maybe not. It doesn’t really matter. The point is to be happy.

    1. Terri says:

      Hey there! Sorry this took so long. Life got in the way. I didn’t really mean to imply I’m broken. More that dating just isn’t for me. Much like water polo isn’t for me. It’s better to figure that out before you get in the water, ya know? If it happens organically, most likely without me even noticing, then there’s a possibility. But the reality is that I’m totally good if it doesn’t. Which is empowering on many levels. Would I like to find a partner in crime? Sure. Do I need to find one? Eh. Not really. 🙂

      To be clear, I’m also a never say never person. At 45, I’d like to think I still have time. Maybe I’ll be one of those 70 year old brides, though I think by then I’ll prefer to live in sin than bother making it legal. lol

      1. Caryn H says:

        I am one of those 70 year olds (about to turn 71) and while I’m not looking for a husband (single almost 20 years) some companionship would be nice. BUT, I live a very quiet life, not into crowds, love to do what I want to do when I want to do it. My BFF lives too far away to get together for dinner or a movie so I seldom do either. Am I happy, yes. Do I mourn the loss of a male in my life? Oh hell no! You go girl!

        1. Terri says:

          Hi, Caryn!

          I’m sure I’ll get to that point when I’ll wish I had someone around to talk to. Guess I’ll just have to make sure I have good friends around. 🙂 If I lived close to you, we’d do dinner and a movie whenever you wanted.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *