A Happy Period My Ass

This may just be the strangest blog I ever write (fingers crossed) but I’m writing it anyway. Here’s the topic – the most dreaded three letters in the English language – P M S. That’s right, I’m blogging about THAT time of the month. Well, less THAT time than THOSE symptoms. I’m either brave or stupid and I’ve been called both so lets leave it at a draw.

I have never had cramps in my life. *ducks various flying objects* Blame my mother, she hasn’t either. Now my sister, totally different story. Terrible cramps. I tell her it’s the meanness in her. And I’m totally right. Trust me, if you met her, you’d agree.

So, back to the topic. I never really had any of the traditional telltale signs that Aunt Flo was making her approach. And since I never paid much attention, it was no big deal. But now I’m old…err….more mature. Yeah, I recognize the signs now.

Take Wednesday for instance. I woke up so angry, I could have decorated various rooms in my house with fist sized holes in the walls. I’d have pummeled them I tell ya. In fact, in the morning I pulled out my iPod at work and played the angriest music I had. Grant it, I don’t have any Pantera or Megadeth on there, but Seether, Breaking Benjamin and Nickelback did in a pinch. Singing along with Breaking Benjamin on a chorus that says, “F*ck you, F*ck me!” made me feel a bit better.

By mid day, I’d moved onto some soothing country/southern rock Tim McGraw. By mid-afternoon, I was dancing around my office to Future/Sex/Love/Sounds by Justin. Love that one. Then, by 7 pm, I was crying. I was convinced I had not a friend in the world. I was alone, floating on this little dingy in the middle of the ocean, not an oar in sight. You may be figuring this all out by now.

Throw together intense anger, a dash of southern relaxation, a helping of raging hormones and a heaping cup of drama and you have my PMS. Still no cramps, but I think turning into every character Bette Davis ever played on screen in a less than 24 hour period is enough suffering. For me and all the poor souls around me.

Now, you knew I was going to ask. Not that you have to answer. We’ll see who the brave souls are today. Got any symptoms of your own? Ever strangled a squirrel because it crossed your path on the wrong week? Ever cried because you cooked the ramon noodles three minutes too long? *raises hand* Ever wanted to kill your husband because he did something totally stupid and when you got mad just assumed you were PMSing? Gah! That used to piss me off…..

PS: I have been given the Excellence Blog award by the Romance Vagabonds and I am truly honored. I now have to pass it on. I promise, I’ll get to that ASAP! Just give me a couple of days. *g*

30 thoughts on “A Happy Period My Ass”

  1. MsHellion says:

    OMG, the picture ALONE was hilarious.

    Let’s see, I channel Linda Blair at least two weeks of the month–some days of those two weeks, she’s crossed with SATAN and you really don’t want to screw with me then.

    The other two weeks, my Bambi personality is offended and upset you think I’m a shrewish bitch–so really, there’s no winning with me.

    I’m pretty sure though my symptoms have gotten worse since I’ve slacked off on exercise. I’m not creating enough endorphins to make up for the Linda Blair coursing through my veins. They say walking is good.

  2. terrio says:

    Exercise can help this?! I need to start jogging. Wait, my knees are too bad for that. I could probably walk. I need to walk. And the weather is great here. I’ll start walking more.

    At least my evil crap only lasts two to three days max. I couldn’t do this for two weeks at a time! Hell, I cried AGAIN this morning. For NO reason. Gah!

  3. I turn into an emo wreck around that time of the month. I cry over commercials and my lack of writing talent.lol. I get angry at every little thing people do. I’m just not very nice at that time.
    Also, I get cramps occasionally but not always. And chocolate becomes a deity to me.

  4. terrio says:

    I can’t believe I forgot to mention chocolate. Let’s just say, I bought a container of chocolate frosting Monday evening. It’s gone.

    I did not bake a cake.

  5. irisheyes says:

    I don’t get physically sick but the emotions do run wild. I think I veer more towards the fits of crying than the bitchyness. Although I do get a little testy, but I’ve been told (by the DH) that my bitchyness could hardly be called bitchyness. So even in that I’m pretty much a wimp. I think that has more to do with conditioning from childhood not to be bitchy than any real inclination on my part! LOL

    The crying and the chocolate fixation gets to be a bit much, especially the older I get. I wonder if menopause is clicking in and hitching it all up a notch. (Okay, that’s a wonderful thought I didn’t have until a minute ago!)

  6. irisheyes says:

    I must be PMSing cause I just re-read my post and started getting weepy and depressed cause I’m not a bitch and I should be allowed to be one!

    I’m like you, though, Ter. Never had really nasty symptoms so sometimes I would forget when it was coming. Made for a few really uncomfortable experiences. And then all the women look at you like you’re a complete moron cause you don’t know to the exact minute when you’re suppose to be flowing!

  7. terrio says:

    *passes Irish a tissue*

    Welcome to my cycle, Irish. LOL! I’ve almost never known when to expect it and have just been lucky not to run into any embarrassing situations. It came close last summer when I started while in the middle of a large amusement park. Lucky for me, they had baskets of products in every restroom. FREE! How nice of them.

    Then again, I’d already road a water ride by then and was soaked. The damn things wouldn’t stick. LOL!

    Adventures in womanhood.

  8. MsHellion says:

    Irish, you can be as bitchy as you like; you’re a Grand Bitch, if you want to be. We won’t unvalidate your bitchiness here. You rock with your bitchiness.

    And Terri thought people would be afraid to comment. How funny is that.

  9. terrio says:

    Silly me. I should have known this would be a bonding topic.

  10. irisheyes says:

    Oh, crap… this stupid laptop just ate my comment. Probably TMI anyway! LOL

    Thanks, Hellion! Every once in a while I can unleash the bitch but like I said it’s nowhere near where it could be. I’m afraid I just don’t have it in me. I think I come off more as whiney than bitchy and that’s never good!

    And Ter, you know all you have to do is start talking about “female things” and everyone wants to chime in. I think it goes back to us not being able to talk about certain things for so many centuries that now we’re making up for lost time.

  11. irisheyes says:

    BTW – loved the visual!!!

  12. terrio says:

    Never TMI on here. LOL! Irish, don’t worry, you’ll bitchier as you get older. Just give it time.

    The reason is there is no more quiltings. Stay with me here. Women used to gather to do things like quilt and can and that’s when they would talk woman talk. Complain, commiserate, curse. We don’t have that anymore.

    So we blog. *g*

  13. irisheyes says:

    Quilting? Very astute. And in that case I’m glad I’m blogging instead. I suck at any domestic female things. I don’t sew, can, quilt, knit, etc. On the other hand, the DH would fit right in. He sews and cans and could probably pick up quilting and knitting if need be. In fact, I bet if I asked (which I will do next time we speak) I’m guessing he probably took a stab an knitting cause his grandma used to do it and I can picture him as a little boy begging her to let him try.

  14. terrio says:

    Either clone him or shutup!


  15. irisheyes says:

    Sorry about that – I forgot! 🙁

    I get the same reaction when I try to complain about him to my mom. She just shakes her head at me and tells me to count my blessings.

  16. terrio says:

    We’ll let you pass today. Just remember the topic and try NOT to poke the angry bear. LOL!

  17. irisheyes says:

    ROTFLMAO! I was thinking the same exact thing!!!!!

  18. OMG! This is the funniest blog I’ve every freaking read!!!!!!! LOL

    Apparently exercise does help, even just increasing your walking helps. Doesn’t help me.

    What happens to me? cramps, debilitating cramps that make me stay curled in a ball on the bed. And the best part, I know exactly when I’m going to get it cause I can’t feel my legs very well like a couple hours before. It’s a weird ghostly feeling that doesn’t hurt, but doesn’t feel great, AND it even wakes me up in the middle of the night if that is when it’s gonna come.

    There are also those cramps in er…. private places that will knock me on my ass no matter where I am—try explaining that when all of a sudden you were going about normal business and then you are keeled over, clamping your legs together and trying to breath through said cramps–very embarrassing, and nothing you can explain.

    I’m ubber bitchy beforehand [shrugs] guess I’m a mean person 😉

    And my symptoms have only gotten worse over the years.

    With real bad pms and cramping (like the start of my day today) I’m gonna be drinking some wine later to help me forget my woes! LOL

    And seriously, hilarious blog!

  19. terrio says:

    You know Tiff, this is probably the main reason you shouldn’t write a blog in the throes of PMS. LOL! It’s just not going to be pretty.

    Happy to report I am in a fantastic mood today. We’re pushing 80 with sunshine, I’m getting to meet one of my internet pals this weekend, and I’ve decided NOT to buy a house (look for more detail in a later blog) so I’m sitting on a pile of money with more to come.

    Here’s to having a shopping spree!!! LOL!

  20. irisheyes says:

    Okay, I’m not PMSing but the 80’s with sunshine has me ready to jump through the computer and do you some serious damage!!

    It freakin’ snowed here yesterday!!! SNOW!!! Can you believe it. I’m so over this.

    Tiff – that sounds awful! 🙁 I feel guilty now for complaining of a little tears and no bitchyness!

  21. Marnee Jo says:

    LOL! Ter, this was great! 🙂

    I get paranoid and anxious at that time of the mouth. I talk myself into having problems with family and friends. Even when things are perfectly fine with the DH I start stressing like, “maybe things aren’t as good as I think they are and he’s really just pretending to be happy and really my marriage is falling apart!!!” And I ask him annoying questions. “Are you happy? Because you can tell me if you aren’t happy and I won’t mind.” Then I start overanalyzing everything. “Maybe you aren’t telling me because you’re afraid you’ll hurt my feelings because it’s so bad that it’s unfixable!” Then I cry or rant. And he’s all, “I’m fine, didn’t I just tell you I was fine?” and runs away, knowing he can’t win when I have the argument for us.


    When it’s over, he’s like, “baby, you were NUTS this month!” And I’m like, “thanks for your support.” LOL!!

    There’s TMI for you all. LOL!!

  22. MsHellion says:

    OMG, I feel like Marnee was doing an interpretative dance of my life with her last comment. *ROTL* Only I don’t have a husband to frighten like that, so I do it to my co-workers, boss, friends, family, the postman…

    My boss has actually said, “I think you need to go back on your birth control pills. You weren’t always this crazy.”

  23. Quantum says:

    Just thought I would take a peek out of curiosity. Good grief, so THAT’s PMS!

    Heck..so sorry…*tiptoes out again*

  24. Marnee Jo says:

    Drat, Quantum, I didn’t mean to scare you…. 🙂

  25. terrio says:

    ROFLMAO!!! You guys are cracking me the hell up. I’m wired on coffee sitting in a hotel room in Gaffney, SC laughing all by myself. LOL!

    Irish – I’m so sorry. Snow? Really? I had no idea? If it makes you feel better, it’s dropping back to the 50s for the weekend. Of course, I’ll be in sunny, warm Georgia all weekend. *g*

    Marnee – If that husband of yours didn’t deserve sainthood before, he does now. That’s so funny.

    And did an interpretive dance?! WTF? LOL! That your boss has actually said that is hysterical.

    Q – sorry dude. But think of it getting some top secret information that you could never get anywhere else. LOL! And why the hell do you think we drink so much rum?!

  26. Speaking as the crone for this group, I hit an early menopause (42ish) and was never so grateful. When I “fell off the roof,” as my father liked to say, I couldn’t stand up. Couldn’t sleep. Cried. Screamed. Bloated. Pimpled. Had to drink to stop the pain, so I still couldn’t stand up, couldn’t sleep, still cried, screamed, still bloated, pimpled. I am now happy as pie and mellow. I am a wise woman. What? Why are you all snickering?

  27. MistyJo says:

    Hate I missed this one! PMS? Just ask Bill. Now, he has to deal with Hannah and me at the same time.

    Some psychologists firmly believe that PMS is a myth. I learned of their wrong opinion in my psych class in college. When I told Bill, he grunted and said, “They need to walk in my shoes once a month. It’s real.”

    As for menstrual cramps, birth control pills help tremendously in that area.

    Hope you are feeling better, Terri.

  28. Marnee Jo says:

    I always thought that was funny, that there are some (primarily male) psychologists who think it’s all a bunch of bologne. I think they’re the same crowd who believe that morning sickness is a byproduct of a woman’s latent unhappiness with having a baby.

    Perhaps they’ve never read anything about hormones and hormone research. Maybe they think that’s all a myth too.

    (Let’s all give a giant DUH for that happy little section of the research community).

  29. terrio says:

    Marnee – That is a killer, isn’t it? I mean, that would be like us refusing to admit they think with their little brain much more than the one they are supposed to use. We’d never do that!

  30. Angela says:

    For my monthly, it has changed over the years.. I used to have big cramps but no mood swings.
    Now that I have grown older my cramps are almost nonexistent and I still don’t have any eagerness to hit someone during that time.
    The only time I feel stressed is the three weeks prior to the dreaded week ahead.
    But, I still am very easygoing no matter what.
    It must be all the water I drink. I gave up caffeine. They say caffeine during that time makes your cramps worse.
    I only drink juice or water, that’s it.
    Maybe you all should try it..
    Then, again..
    I wouldn’t want to see some of you without your daily caff fix! Scary! Chuckle.
    Okay, please stop by my blog when you guys get the chance.
    http://www.angel-elizabeth1977.blogspot.com. I would love to chat with you guys there.

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